August 25, 2021

TW: Suicidal ideation, nearly attempted suicide, discussion of depression

Harmonia's mind swam as she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling of the home that was once her grandmother's. It was the same ceiling, the same house, but it was empty. The cold was palpable, digging into her unstable mind, which had already begun to spiral. She had no one now... her grandma was all she had left. Her old friends from high school had moved away... but her? She could never leave... not when Iris's health was failing. Thoughts buzzed in her head like angry wasps, berating her for being so useless, for not going to college, for not saving her family, for driving everyone away. She felt numb as she got out of bed, her legs carrying her to the bathroom. Tears fell down her face as she stared at the medicine cabinet, the promise of relief in front of her. 

She didn't want to die... not really. She just wanted to stop hurting. She wanted it all to just stop- and there was no other way. Harmonia took a bottle, her hand shaking as she stared down at it.

Buzz, buzz.

The sound of her phone vibrating startled her from her thoughts. Harmonia shakily took her phone out of her pocket, opening it to see what it was. 

Claire had sent Harmonia a message. It was a meme, kind of dated, but it made Harmonia laugh. She had been seeing this girl on occasion, ever since she joined a chatroom for some weird internet art project and learned they lived close to one another. It was one of the good things in Harmonia's life. Something that kept her distracted from everything else.

rainraincomeagain: Harmonia look at this meme I found

rainraincomeagain: Look it's really funny XD

rainraincomeagain: [A simple meme, one that says "Me in my profile pic vs me in the zoom meeting", one side showing an elegant looking cartoon fox and the other showing a disheveled looking taxidermy fox.]

It made Harmonia laugh a little, seeing the girl on the other side of the screen send her a meme that wasn't relevant anymore. Seeing such innocence in a moment like this made her smile. She looked at the bottle, before putting it down and taking a seat on the closed toilet. She put a hand up to her eyes, wiping her tears and taking a deep breath. 

harmonia: It's cute... um.. could I talk to you about something sort of serious?

Her hands shook as she wiped her eyes again, terrified for the woman's response. What if she said no? What if she didn't want to talk to her ever again?

rainraincomeagain: Ya whats up :p

harmonia: I um... I've just... been going through stuff I guess... I just need someone to talk to... Sorry if this is weird.

rainraincomeagain: Nono its not weird!!

rainraincomeagain: Pls feel free to tell me anything <3 What kind of stuff r u going thru?

harmonia: So I was raised by my grandma and she... she died really recently. It's just... I don't have anyone and I don't know what to do. Every day I can barely get myself out of bed... let alone get myself to eat or do much. I just want the pain to stop.

Claire takes a moment to reply. This... definitely doesn't help Harmonia's mood at all. But when she does reply...

rainraincomeagain: Hunny Im so sorry :( Loss like that can b so rough I understand a lot... Im sure shes at peace now and is happy..

rainraincomeagain: Its such a hard thing to deal with and im sorry u have to go thru it :(

rainraincomeagain: Is there anyway I can help?? R u ok to go out today? We can get u something special from that cafe u like and u can talk to me for hours

Harmonia chews on the inside of her lip, smiling as she reads Claire's kind words, wiping her eyes again. 

harmonia: I'd like that a lot... I really hope she's at peace. She believed in heaven and stuff... so hopefully that means she got there. But I'd really like to meet up,, I'm just going to get dressed. Thank you, really, this has helped a lot already,,

rainraincomeagain: We all find peace eventually. And if she hasnt she will soon i promise <3

rainraincomeagain: Ill be over in 5 doll ok see u then xoxo

harmonia: See you in a minute!

Harmonia's face flushed red as she set her phone down, glancing at the pill bottle and putting it away before splashing her face with some water. She took a deep breath, before changing into some clean clothes and grabbing herself a drink of water, waiting for that telltale knock.

After a few minutes, she heard what she was waiting for, a perfect three, knock, knock, knock, each one on a different part of the door in a small triangle.

Harmonia went to the door and quickly opened it. She smiled at Claire, wiping her eyes. "Sorry, I'm such a mess..."

Claire was well dressed as usual, wearing a pastel yellow sundress and a honeycomb-patterned cardigan. She has on a headband with a yellow azalea poking out as well, and she was holding out a pink azalea to Harmonia.

"Shush, you look beautiful." Her deep red lips opened into a smile, her sharp canines seeming to sparkle in the sunlight, as with her big, beady red eyes. 

Harmonia blushed, taking the azalea and tucking it behind her ear. She looked pretty plain, only wearing a sweatshirt and leggings, her pale skin standing out against her long black hair. Her eyes were brown, bags etched under them from various sleepless nights. 

"Thank you... you look amazing... I mean- you always do,,"

Claire ruffled Harmonia's hair gently, running her fingers through it. "You're so kind, Harmonia." She smiles softly, closing her eyes. "Well, ready to go?"

Harmonia blushed again, nodding. "Y-yeah,, thank you, Claire,," She said softly, melting into the gentle touch, gently taking the other woman's hand.

"Anytime! It's always good to get out of the house." Claire leaned into Harmonia gently as the two walked down the street, headed towards the nearby cafe.

Harmonia leaned against Claire a bit as well, smiling softly as the birds chirped in the warm August air. "So um- how've you been?" 

"I've been okay! Been decorating around the house a little more and collecting more things. I'm like a little crow, I love my trinkets and little things."  Claire chirped.

"I also like collecting trinkets...." Harmonia said with a smile. "You'll have to give me a trinket tour, I'd love to see everything you've collected!"

"I have a lot of stuff from over the years. I need more stuff and things. I go thrifting sometimes." Claire sighed warmly. "I'll give you a tour someday."

Harmonia nodded. "I'd like that a lot,, I love thrifting... we should go together sometime," She said with that bright smile, putting her head against Claires.

"We should, I'd like that." 

They arrived at the cafe and walked inside. It was homey with walls made of brick and large windows that the sunlight fed into. Potted plants decorated the doorway, and some hydroponic plants framed on the wall. Indie music played from the speakers, and the general vibe of the café was very warm and friendly. 

Harmonia ordered herself a croissant and a cup of coffee, taking a seat at a table that was against one of the windows. "So- how's work been?"

"It's been a little slow lately, but I prefer that, honestly." Claire smiled, holding the large hot chocolate she ordered and taking a sip. She had been working at a local bookstore for a bit, not too far from the cafe. "How's work been for you?"

Harmonia shrugged a bit, blowing on her coffee to cool it down before taking a hesitant sip.  "It's been... retail... so you know..." She shrugged. "People haven't been especially horrible lately so, that's a win? I guess?"

"That's good! Any interesting customers?" Claire liked hearing about people who'd show up to stores wearing odd things or acting in strange ways. It always made her laugh.

Harmonia nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yeah, actually- this really strange woman came in... her demeanor was just... weird? Like I try not to judge people but her movements were sort of... doll-like? And she smelled really sweet... kept calling me nicknames- but she was really pretty..." She sighed. "She was buying enough food to feed like- god, I don't even know... it was just a lot."

Claire bit her lip gently. "That is weird, yeah." She shrugged and took another sip of her hot chocolate. "Some people are just kind of like that, though. I think I've met a few people like that. Heavy perfume, acting a little weird."

"Yeah... I'm sure it's nothing really... just someone with different tastes." Harmonia shrugged a bit. "I try not to judge too much... you never know what someone's going through..."

"Mhm!" Claire smiled. "It is fun to hear about them, though!" She booped Harmonia's nose gently with a soft chirp.

Harmonia giggled, reaching over and booping her nose as well. "You're adorable..." She said softly, tilting her head.

"Aww, you're more adorabler!!!" Claire closed her eyes and leaned forwards, before opening them again. Her eyes were, as said prior, big and beady. Definitely proving Harmonia's adorable comment right. "I'm glad I was able to cheer you up."

Harmonia giggled, leaning her head on her hand. "Thank you for cheering me up,," She said softly, echoing Claire's statement. "I might talk to my doctor about trying antidepressants... could help?" She said with a shrug.

"That might be a good idea! Be careful with pills, though. Stuff like that can get dangerous quick..." Claire sighed, sipping her drink, not knowing what Harmonia had just experienced before they came here.

Harmonia tensed at that, her hand shaking. "Y-yeah..." She said softly, her voice barely a whisper. There was a pause before she spoke again. "I um... I kind of want a cat..."

Claire put a hand on Harmonia's. Claire's skin was oddly soft, oddly cold. "Harmonia. You're a lesbian, I know you want a cat." She giggled softly, her black lips curling into a wide smile as she blushed.

Harmonia blushed as well, taking Claire's hand. She giggled a little at that, tilting her head. "What if we went to get a cat right now?"

"That sounds like fun." Claire leaned forward, lifting Harmonia's hand and kissing it gently. "Shall we be off, then?"

Harmonia nodded, smiling. "Sounds good to me,"